Wednesday, September 9, 2015


 Average is defined by the Cambridge Dictionary as a standard or level that is considered to be typical or usual. My life is definitely not standard, and my child is by no means standard either. For this, I am grateful. It sounds horribly boring to be average. In my family we say "average" to talk about the kids at school that are not on the spectrum or disabled. We never use the term normal, because quite frankly, I think that there is no such thing as normal when it comes to people. I often think that the "average" people must live in a life that is like black and white tv. There are contrasts, but never too sharp, and everything is comforting and muted. In terms of difference, while the average people live in the black and white world of Kansas, my family lives in the hi-def colorful world of Oz. Or you could say that our family has fallen down the rabbit hole and we live in Wonderland, a place that most could stand to visit, but few would venture to live. This is where life with a special needs child brings you. It lifts you out of the safety and comfort of the average world and transports you to a new and dizzying land. Some of us get here in a whirlwind like Dorothy, picked up from the life we knew before and thrown into a new one. Others make the choice to fall down the rabbit hole and drink the potions, but however we get here to this magical land of different, we are here. We soak it in. There is ugly, and there is mean, but there is also magic, and kindness and good. There is love like no other, and no matter the mode of transportation or the length of the stay, this place changes you.You see the small things, you celebrate every good thing, and you learn to love and be loved. Once you have been here, you will carry a piece of this place with you everywhere you go. You become magic, and you will always see the magic in people and places around you. You could never really be who you were before, but why would you want to be? This magical place is not just for special needs and their families. You can come and be a part of the magic too. You just have to let go of the constraints of typical or usual and dare to love those that are different, and embrace the differences in everyone around you. Realize that every person is to be loved for who they are and that to be standard is by no means to be better.  Don't settle for average. You were meant for so much more. Take the road less traveled, and you too may end up in a magical place.

It's better to feel pain, than nothing at all...

Tuesday, June 2, 2015

Letting It Go and Making Room- Clearing the Clutter From Our Homes to Our Relationships

So I have felt very impressed lately to let go of things!! I feel that I have been spending to much of my time trying to maintain an over abundance of stuff.  When I say "stuff" I mean actual things as well as relationships, expectations, and emotions.

Let's start with the physical tangible items. I am ready to purge of my life of all the extra belongings we have. We are a family of 3 but I feel that I have enough stuff for 40 people. It takes entirely to long to clean and pick up and maintain the amount of stuff we have accumulated. The problem is we have had family pawn things off on us, and we love to shop, and we are horribly sentimental. This stops here! I have been mercilessly going through clothes and ridding myself of things that have sat unused or don't fit anymore. It seems silly to hold onto the clothes i used to fit into and leave no space for the clothes I wear now. Why are we like that? Ever the dreamer, I coming to the realization that holding onto the past (skinny jeans), and living in the future (I'll need this for the next kid, right?), is robbing us of the joy of living in the right now (look all of clothes fit in the closet and dresser and I can actually find what I am looking for! Hooray!!) So for now we are going through the house and trying to make honest decisions as we get rid of, gift, or donate the things that we don't have time or space to enjoy anymore. I know that I can never let go of enough things to become a minimalist, but the lifestyle sounds appealing.

The next thing getting cleaned out are relationships. This can be hard. As tightly as I hold onto those old skinny jeans, I can hold onto a relationship that has served it's purpose. Are you pouring too much time into a relationship that is not leaving you feeling positive about yourself or the situation? We all do it. I am not condoning telling anyone off, or dumping everyone that requires effort, or even close to it. I am saying that there are people in our lives who have a season, and while loyalty is an admirable trait, it should not keep us tethered to those that have moved on.  There are people that come and go in your life, and you will come and go in the life of others. This is okay. This is  healthy Spend more time on the good and positive relationships in your life, put in effort there and make them better let them flourish and enjoy it. Stop putting your effort and time into relationships that will never go anywhere.

Next is letting go of expectations. I feel that so much of the pain and disappointment in our lives comes directly from our expectations of other people. We expect them to care as much as we do, or behave a certain way, or understand something the way we do. The list goes on and on. If we constantly carry these expectations into the relationship we are bound to be hurt or disappointed at some point. I have found that we have to realize that we are all human and all fail and come short. I have to let others be who they are without letting it change who I am .

On the other side of the coin, and for me the more difficult side, is letting go of expectations you have for yourself. It is great to be goal oriented, but sometimes we take it a little too far and we become a little to rigid. I have this problem. I like to have things mapped out, planned, written in a list and checked off one at a time. Life is not like this. Keep some of your goals, but learn that not everything can be planned and you may not be everything that you want to be, but that does not mean that you are not enough! I am horrible about time tables, I want everything when I want it. I have little to no patience naturally, and Heavenly Father often tries to teach me patience. So I need to let go of some of my expectations of what my life should look like, what I should look like now, or how far I should be on my plan. I need to work on what I can change now and learn to let other things go. I am my own worst critic, but I am also the one creating the unreachable standards sometimes.

Faith reassures us everything will happen in God's timing.

Finally I have to let go of emotions. I have to let go of the actual feeling of, disappointment, or shame, or even anger that the clutter in these aspects of my life have caused. I have to be willing to let go of the stress that has been my constant companion for so long now. I have to be willing to clean out those negative feelings in an effort to make more room on the shelf for happiness, joy, and love.

focus on the flowers, not the weeds.

I hope that this post makes sense. It helps me to write it and get it out. Maybe it will help you too, or maybe you have already learned these life lessons and are working on something different. Either way thanks for visiting this corner of my mind with me.


Dear Blake,

Things in our lives are always a whirlwind of craziness, but I am grateful every day to weather the storms of life with you. You are unfailingly generous to the benefit of everyone around you, you love with an amazing intensity, you are mercifully patient (which we need, b/c you know I am not), you are extremely funny, vastly intelligent, and an extremely hard worker. I love that you give so much of who you are to others. You are a great husband and you are a better father than I ever imagined someone could be.  Now let's make 33 your year!!! Let's make a bucket list for this year and make things happen. Is there a new sport you want to try, a restaurant your dying to eat at, or friends you want to visit? Maybe there is a party you want to have or a class you want to take. My message to you Blake, is let's do it all! The only thing holding us back is ourselves. We will find the time. Let's let go of old things and embrace the new! I love you and I want to have adventures with you. Let's fill up your tank so you can continue to be the wonderful person you are. I know that we depend on you so much of the time, and I want you to know that you can count on us too.

With all my heart forever,

Saturday, April 25, 2015

It's Been A While

So, I find myself here a long way from my last post. I guess that I have a bad habit of neglecting this blog in favor of the million other things we have going on, but I know that when I write things out I can see things more clearly. Lets get to it.

Life Updates

Blake- Still working at the DDS (although he wishes he were any where else most days.) He is the best Dad in the world and is so involved with Isabella. His favorite things to do are go out to eat, spend time with friends, play games (board and apps), and make messes.

Me- I am still a SAHM with my sweet little girl, and love her to pieces. My favorite things to do are laughing, going anywhere as a family, shopping, working on the house, hanging out with friends, makeup, and getting cuddles. I also love my calling as the Young Women Secretary. Those girls make me feel young again.

BooBoo- She was diagnosed with Autism last summer and things have  been a whirlwind ever since. She is still in preschool, and also goes to therapy and doctors appointments on a regular basis. She is gaining tons of new skills, and is stubborn and independent in so many ways. She still gives the best cuddles ever, just not as often as she used to. She is on meds and sleeping better than ever to the relief of all of us. She is still non verbal, but you better believe that she has no problem letting you know what she wants or doesn't want. Love her to the moon and back.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Rants and Raves About Silliness.

So it is fall here in Georgia, and I love, love, love this time of year. I especially like it in the years that are cool enough for me to wear my entire sweater collection. It is an addiction I have. If there was a 12 step group for buying sweaters I would seriously consider going, but probably just go shopping for a new sweater instead. Anyway, this is not the rant or rave.

As I look at all of the beautiful trees around here, I started to notice an alarming amount of mimosa trees and bamboo!! What is that about?! This is Georgia not China. Where did all of these sneaky plants come from, and how are they multiplying so fast?! I swear there are at least 3 bamboo "forests" around town that would keep even the fattest panda happy. But the real terrors are the mimosa trees. They haunt my dreams. I see them everywhere. I can't help it. I find myself looking out the window in the car mumbling "mimosa, mimosa, mmmmmimosa" every time I spot one. I do it so often that I stopped noticing....until I was in the car with a friend. Luckily she is well aware of my craziness. I love the fall colors and the turning leaves. If only I could just avoid seeing the mimosas mixed in. I guess I should look at the big picture. This is the weirdest pet peeve, I know. Just had to share. Anything weird that drives y'all crazy?

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Ch,Ch,Ch,Changes-that's the theme around here

So things are shaking up in a good way here. I love when you have that feeling that you are on the verge of something great. That tingly feeling that you get in your soul, like when your standing at the edge of the pool about to jump in. There are so many possibilities. It's scary and exhilarating all at the same time. That is how things have been around here. Trust when I say that it is still accompanied by the hard, and not so pretty times too, but the good is overwhelmingly better than the bad. The bitter moments just make the good ones feel even sweeter.
Isabella is growing by leaps and bounds and it is astounding how fast it is happening. She has always been so independent, but preschool has really helped her advance socially. In the last few months she decided on her own that she does not need a pacifier anymore (hello pictures without a paci in the way!), she also has decided that she will sit still on her own and eat dinner at the table. No more strapping this kid into a high chair. Time to say goodbye to another sweet piece of her baby stuff. It is soon to be cleaned (how nasty do those things get?!) and retired to the spare bedroom. She does so much better socially, in that she goes to nursery without throwing a fit, and she is very interested in other children. Such a leap forward for this one. She even practices sitting on the potty. Amazing things are happening in her world and I am loving being a part of the journey.
At Blake's work, there have been changes lately, and we may be in the way for a promotion with a small, although greatly appreciated, raise. I have considered taking a school course to get certified in a technical skill and be able to work from home.(I could never leave this sweet girl.) We have also been looking at buying a second car, and taking a vacation. I can not tell you how much each of these things would improve the quality of our life. We seriously have not had a vacation since 2006! A little sand between our toes might be exactly what this family needs.
I just wish that the cooler weather would get her now, and stay. I am so ready to pull the sweaters and boots out of the storage bin under the bed, and get to strutting my stuff.
(One last picture with the paci, for old times sake.)
The changes around here have been pretty amazing, and here is hoping that that the changes in your life bring you to a place of more happiness too. I must give all the credit to a loving Heavenly Father, who has blessed us beyond all that we deserve. I am thankful everyday of my life.

Thursday, September 19, 2013

It's gonna be a good day tater tot.

So Isabella started preschool a few weeks ago, and it has been such an adventure. The first week she started her daddy was on vacation from work so we made it a point of going together as a family to drop her off and pick her up. It started out rough, and if Blake had not been there to talk it out with me, I would have been so upset. It was heart breaking hearing her cry after we dropped her off, and it didn't help that she has such strong pipes that we could hear her all the way up to the front office. sniffle. Blake and I used some of that alone time the first week to treat ourselves to a date, but it still felt new and awkward driving around places without her in the backseat.

 The next week was a little rougher as I was dropping her off by myself, and I totally cried from her classroom, to the car, and almost all the way home. It was a hard day for mommy. Slowly but surely the reports kept coming in from teachers that she was doing well and calming down shortly after I left everyday.

Well, it finally happened on Tuesday that I went to drop her off and not a tear was shed. She fussed a little, but ran off and started playing with toys while I left. I almost cried again. I went to the gym to meet up with a friend, and I told her that it hurt my heart in a whole different way. I am so pleased that she is happier, and growing up to be independent, but there is that little part of me that will always want her to miss me and need me.

Today as we were driving to school, she started to get a little fussy and I found myself reassuring her. "It's gonna be a great day. You will have so much fun. I will be back to get you. It's gonna be a great day tater tot."